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FAIRFIELD COUNTY, Conn. I'm reading a great book -- "The Hidden Reality" by Brian Greene. It delves, in a very accessible way, into the realm of theoretical physics in order to explain why current thinking points to the very strong possibility of multiple universes out there beyond the reach of ... well, wait.
It's not really beyond the reach of anything because what Greene explains is that the odds are pretty good that not only do other universes exist, but an infinite number of universes exist and, for reasons I'll let him explain, an infinite number of universes identical to this one exist. Also, there are an infinite number of universes which are very close to this one but just a bit, well, off.
What does this mean to you? Well, which "you" do you mean? The you in this universe, reading this article right now or one of those other "yous" in those other universes, also reading this article -- or a slightly different one -- right now?
Maybe one of those yous is reading this by candlelight because the Thomas Edison in that universe was a lazy bum who figured, "Ah, the heck with it -- let some other poor slob invent the light bulb!"
In another universe, things are very close to our own in most respects -- it's got a Milky Way galaxy and a solar system with however many planets they say are in this one now, including an Earth with the familiar continents and countries and cities, with Fords and Nokia phones and hot dogs and soy cheese.
In another universe, Britney Spears has just won the Nobel Prize for physics and Stephen Hawking is a bodybuilder who lives with his aunt in an apartment on Venice Beach. "Pirates of the Caribbean" is a box office flop and Coca Cola is the least popular soft drink in the world (the most popular is Moxie -- look it up). We could go on like this forever -- and in some other universe, we will do just that -- thank goodness you're here and not there.
"Infinite" means that not only can anything happen, but anything does happen and it happens an infinite number of times. Don't like the president? It's OK because in an infinite number of other very similar universes, it's somebody else -- Sarah Palin? John McCain? Al Gore? Newt Gingrich? Donald Trump? Yes, all of those.
In an infinite number of other universes, you are the president of the United States -- or maybe the president of the United Conch Republics. And so am I, and so is your Uncle Bill -- isn't that a scary thought? Maybe not -- I don't know your Uncle Bill, at least not in this universe.
Somewhere the Mets have been world champions for 53 years in a row -- I said "anything," didn't I? Somewhere whales walk upright on dry land and dolphins smoke long, black cigarettes and spit on the sidewalk. Somewhere, Willie Nelson does not smoke pot and Snooki is actually Sister Snooki of the Order of the Sacred Heart.
As I seem to be demonstrating, any weird reality you can dream up is reality somewhere -- an infinite number of somewheres, actually. It's a fun exercise and one I could keep up forever -- and somewhere, I will do just that and quietly pass away in a room filled with empty potato chip bags.
But right here, right now, I'm going to draw the line and let you get back to your one, little reality where the sun shines on Trader Joe's and beach parking costs an arm and a leg. But I suggest you read the book. If you can live in a reality where you are free to imagine as many other realities as you like, you are one of an infinite number of fortunate souls. And that is the gazorninplatt -- don't look that up; it's in a dictionary alright, but not in this universe.
Kurt Ringquist is the author of numerous scraps of doggerel, superfluous information and questionable prose. His work has appeared in Kansas Quarterly as well as at the bottom of bird cages in and around Fairfield County. He is the former publisher of the LW Flyer, a satirical newspaper with as many as seven readers, all coincidentally named Ringquist .Comments and questions may be directed to Kurt at kurt@kurtswords.com. For more nonsense along these lines, visit www.kurtswords.com.
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