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“As a parent and a law enforcement leader, I believe it is important to empower every resident with the information needed to prevent crimes and help keep children safe,” said Jennifer Webb-McRae, the Cumberland County prosecutor.
Toward that end, the state Parole Board offers “Sexual Predator Awareness Training,” which includes information gathered by New Jersey’s parole officers, with nationwide information from the FBI and other expert agencies.
The agency uses the “Containment Approach” for sex offenders, which spokesman Neal Buccino said is “a model based on nationwide research and best practices.”
This involves intensive parole supervision and intelligence-sharing with law enforcement agencies on the federal, state and local levels. It includes sex offender-specific ounseling treatment and close collaboration with qualified therapists.
It also requires round-the-clock GPS monitoring of New Jersey’s highest-risk sex offenders, so officers can track and record their every move. There’s also polygraph testing, which helps parole officers detect problem behaviors and intensify their supervision when needed.
Still, it can’t stop there, officials emphasize: The commitment “requires partnership and collaboration at all levels, including the family level,” Webb-McRae said.
Parents need to know:
• how sexual predators seek victims. This includes “the unexpected ways some offenders have succeeded in tracking and luring victims via the Internet, as well as the dangers of sexual abuse by the relatives of young children, and the use of date rape drugs and other forms of sexual coercion to which teenagers may fall victim,” Buccino said.
• the real picture of sex offenders, and not the myths. This includes a sexual predators’ typical offense cycle, the most common relationships of abusers to children, and the ways abusers groom children
• everything they can about Internet safety, safety at parties, safety with strangers and safety with family
members.
The National Center for Missing & Exploited Children suggests that parents:
- Make sure you know where each of your children is at all times;
- Know your children’s friends and be clear with your children about the places and homes they may visit;
- Make it a rule for your children to check-in with you when they arrive at or depart from a particular location and when there is a change in plans. You should also let them know when you’re running late or if your plans have changed to show the rule is for safety purposes and not being used to “check up” on them;
- Never leave children unattended in a vehicle, whether it is running or not. Children should never be left unsupervised or allowed to spend time alone or with others in vehicles as the potential dangers to their safety outweigh any perceived convenience or “fun”;
- Remind children to never hitchhike, approach a vehicle, or engage in a conversation with anyone within a vehicle whom they don’t know and trust. Also, they should never go anywhere with anyone without first getting your permission;
- Be involved in your children’s activities. As an active participant, you’ll have a better opportunity to observe how they behave around others;
- Listen to your children. Pay attention if they tell you they don’t want to be with someone or go somewhere;
- Notice when anyone shows your kid a great deal of attention or begins giving gifts. Take the time to talk to your children about the person and find out what’s up;
- Teach your children they have the right to say “NO” to any unwelcome, uncomfortable, or confusing touch, remark or other behavior;
- Be sensitive to any changes in your children’s behavior. Encourage open communication. Look and listen to small cues and clues. Kids aren’t always comfortable disclosing disturbing events or feelings but, because they‘re kids, they‘ll give you plenty of signs;
- Be calm. reassuring, and nonjudgmental. Listen compassionately to their concerns;
- Be sure to screen babysitters and caregivers. Do criminal background checks (I‘m not kidding);
- Check references with other families who have used the caregiver or babysitter. Once you have chosen the caregiver, drop in unexpectedly to see how your children are doing. Ask your children how the experience with the caregiver was, and carefully listen to the responses.
Just when you think you have it all down, there’s more to consider:
- Don’t forget your older children. Those 11-17 are equally at risk of being victimized. At the same time that you’re giving them more freedom, make sure they understand the important safety rules as well;
- When you speak to them, do so in a calm, reassuring manner. Teens don’t need to be frightened to get the point. Fear may actually work against safety, paralyzing instead of empowering them;
- Speak openly about safety issues. Children will be less likely to come to you if the issue is enshrouded in secrecy. If they feel you’re comfortable, they may be more forthcoming;
- Don’t confuse them with the concept of “strangers.” Remember: Danger to children is often much greater from someone they or you know;
- Practice what you preach: You might assume they get the message, but kids aren’t able to fully grasp what you’re saying until they’re able to incorporate it into their lives — so find opportunities to practice “what if” scenarios;
- Teach your kids that it‘s more important to get out of a threatening situation than it is to be polite. Just because someone tries to get them into a conversation doesn’t mean they need to respond or to forget safety rules;
So you think that’s a boatload?
A final set:
- Children ABSOLUTELY need to know it’s OK to tell you, or another trusted adult, whenever they feel scared, uncomfortable, or confused. They need to know they have the right to be safe. And when needing help, children should keep asking until they get the help they need.;
- They should always check first with you or another trusted adult before going anywhere, accepting anything, or getting into a vehicle with anyone. This applies to older children as well;
- Children shouldn’t go out alone and should always take a friend with them when they go places or play outside;
- It’s okay to say “NO” if someone tries to touch them or treats them in a way to make them feel scared, uncomfortable, or confused. When this happens they need to get out of the situation as quickly as possible.
- As mentioned earlier, KEEP IN MIND: Danger from strangers is the biggest myth when discussing the issue of child safety. In the majority of cases, the creep is someone the parents/guardians or children know. It may even be a person in a position of trust or responsibility.
This isn’t meant to scare anyone. Far from it.
It simply means that parents and guardians should choose opportunities or “teachable” moments to reinforce safety skills.
Tell them straight out: You want to discuss safety rules with them so they will know exactly what to do if they ever end up in a dicey situation.
Building that safety net gives them the confidence to move around in this world, to be able to sense danger when it approaches, and to know what to do immediately if they come face-to-face with it.
MAJOR thanks to the N.J. State Parole Board for its wealth of information. For more info: www.missingkids.com
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