Fairfield Woman Works to Stop Violence, Start Conversations

FAIRFIELD, Conn. – Every two minutes, someone in the United States is sexually assaulted, according to the U.S. Department of Justice's National Crime Victimization Survey. Of those victims, 44 percent are under the age of 18.

Fairfield resident Shana Moredock wants to put a stop to this. In 2005, Moredock founded Stop It Consulting to begin educating communities about the realities of sexual violence and how to support people who have survived this type of violence.

“People don’t like to talk about it,” says Moredock. “We live in a rape culture, and that kind of thinking needs to be dismantled—completely broken apart—so we can become a culture that has a zero tolerance policy toward sexual violence. The only way to do that is through education. We need to talk about this as a community, because it involves all of us.”

Moredock makes getting the conversation started a little bit easier. She tailors her workshops to fit the audience and the schedule of the organization she’s visiting. “I’ve worked with everyone from small groups of Fairfield moms who just want to raise their awareness to the Merchant Marine Academy on Long Island. The most important thing is getting people to start talking about this.”

She brings years of experience to her work, having volunteered as a specially trained rape crisis advocate in New York City emergency rooms.  She also served as a volunteer outreach coordinator for the Mount Sinai Hospital rape crisis program. “I would conduct awareness workshops for doctors, nurses, students, even the NYPD,” says Moredock.

But Moredock also brings a deeper level of understanding to what she does. “I was raped at a party when I was 16,” she says. “He held a knife to my throat and he raped me. And I didn’t tell anyone what happened to me for three years. Because if I told, I was afraid everything in my life would change. And I didn’t want my life to change, because my life was pretty great before that night.”

During her years of silence, Moredock learned first hand what kind of burden keeping a secret of that magnitude can become, and the emotional toll it can take. In Moredock’s workshops, she always spends time teaching how to respond if someone tells you she has been raped.

“The first response to a victim of sexual assault can determine the road to healing for the victim,” Moredock says. “Without even realizing it, more often than not, people’s first reactions can sound like blame to someone who has just been traumatized. Saying something like ‘Well, were you drinking?’ or, ‘What were you wearing?’ or ‘Why were you alone?’ or even ‘Who is he?’—these questions all take the focus away from the victim and places it on the perpetrator, and can sound to the victim as though she is somehow to blame for the crime.”

Instead, Moredock recommends listening as the best way to help a victim feel heard and supported.  “Just listen, listen and believe what she is telling you,” she says. “And give some choice back to the victim. You don’t need to press for every detail in that moment, let her choose what she feels comfortable sharing. “

Moredock believes that continuing the conversation is the best way to affect change. “Informed, compassionate communities are the solution,” she says. “Through years of doing this work, I can tell you that everyone possesses the power to heal from this violence. But they can heal better and faster with the support of their community.”

 

 

 

 

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