The Maisano Code: A man, a woman, a lake, a boat — THEN what?

When I was a kid, we didn’t have all these disorders that we have today. Either you were fine, OK, kinda quirky or a whack job. ADD? OCD? The only acronym I knew was IOU. And how about these TV commercials? At first it looks like a nice ad — a man, a woman, a lake, a boat. Then you hear the voice….

Photo Credit: Cliffview Pilot
Photo Credit: Cliffview Pilot

“Are you depressed, do you feel sad and detached? When you’re depressed you not only hurt you, but those around you.” (Then they show a dog’s sad face.)

Maryann Maisano

“Men, are you tired of always finding excuses to avoid intimacy? You may have ED…. You don’t have to live you life this way.”

“Ladies, you have planned the vacation of a lifetime and the day you leave you wake up menstruating! What to do? With Seasonique you get your period only once a year. Now you can plan without worry.”


But wait. After the beautiful couples, the boats, the lakes, the dog, they give you THE SIDE EFFECTS:

Dry mouth … a rash …. dizziness … nausea …  throat closing up … if your erection LASTS FOR MORE THAN 48 HOURS — What? WHAT???

If my guy’s erection lasts for 48 hours, I just won the friggin’ lottery!

But it doesn’t end there: “If have you thoughts of suicide, call your doctor.”

Is it me or what? I thought that’s WHY you took a pill in the first place — so you don’t feel this way.

Whoa, whoa: “kidney failure, liver damage….”

What’s next — death?

I got a pill one day and the warning label said a side effect is “ hard time swallowing.” I already had that problem. No point takin’ that pill.

And the Lord said: “Men – some of you will get it up and some of you won’t.”

And the Lord said: “Women, you will have your period once a month until you reach a certain age. Then I will torture you more.”

But here’s the best: They got this pill now for RLS — Restless Leg Syndrome.

I’m thinking of walking into my doc’s office doing a wobbly cha-cha, hoping he’ll give me the pill.

But what if the side effects are that you have an increased sexual desire and an unsatiable urge to gamble?

I can see me now in Atlantic City, leaning over the crap table — lookin’ to ride a hard seven.

Critics and reviewers have raved about Maryann’s music as well as her standup. She’s opened for Joy Behar and Ray Romano, and has played The Laugh Factory, Broadway Comedy Club and Dangerfield’s. She has a CD of her own and will be featured on Danny Aiello’s upcoming album, “City of Light.” Judging from the looks of the packed houses, she’ll also be staging plenty more performances with the ITALIAN CHICKS, whose show has been called “part meatball, part cannoli.” For more on Maryann, the group, where they’re performing and how to get tickets, click here: ITALIAN CHICKS. Tell ’em CLIFFVIEWPILOT sent you.

to follow Daily Voice Bergenfield and receive free news updates.